This is the biggest chicken ever lol

N.B. This was originally written on May 8th 2010.

I’m writing this on Word, because my wireless connection, is, so to speak, bloody awful. No matter how many times I disconnect, reconnect, turn off the router, unplug the receiver, turn off the computer, scratch my bottom/head, whichever itches, it simply won’t allow me access to the ‘vast library’ that is the World Wide Web. If anybody else is thinking about connecting wirelessly, don’t use Belkin, it’s a joke, and if I want to use the frankly antique PC in my room for anything that requires the internet, I usually have to ‘borrow’ next door’s wireless. If they don’t have it on, then I haven 15 minutes of fruitlessly trying to connect to look forward to.

But anyway, I want to talk about the election. A hung parliament, as we all expected, and although it would have done nothing but increase Hugh Bayley’s majority, another election that I was ineligible, unfortunately, to take part in. The phrase ‘hung parliament’ conjures one of three, admittedly similar, images; either the House of Commons, Number 10, or Big Ben (I am unsure as to why that one comes into my head, but it does) gracefully swinging from side to side on a length of rope.

More to the point, what it means really is that there’s going to be some sort of Tory influence in Parliament for the next few years, save for the unlikely event of a re-election. Bollocks. Worst case scenario, we end up with privatized healthcare and drastically reduced input into other public services whilst lo and behold taxes are cut – once the deficit has been magically hidden of course – not across the board, but instead for the rich, and sweet Jesus (née Ashcroft) we’re back to the economic exploitation of the fledgling 20th century. To coin a phrase, good times.

The thing is, Brown didn’t do too bad a job. Like Herbert Hoover (awesome name), he walked into his predecessor’s shit and suddenly had a superhuman cleanup job to do (although I’m not sure ability to fly has ever equated to economic prowess). Too lax regulations , both here and in America, on sub-prime mortgages and loans in the early years of the decade and surprise, surprise, a recession. Although as chancellor beforehand, he would have to take some of the blame for it, there probably seemed to be no reason to take any stance but laissez-faire on a growing economy.

Also, we mustn’t forget the man with the eyebrows, sometimes affectionately (although that affection has been growing thin of late) known by the pet name of Alistair Darling, who appeared to do nothing but play the role of a benevolent God whenever the MoD wanted more money for armaments. Fuck it, who needs an army? The hell with the diplomatic flaws with pulling out of whatever ‘axis of evil’ country we’re in at the moment!

Oh, and let us spare a moment to giggle, full of mirth, at the misfortunes of Jacqui, kicked out of parliament (democratically) for nothing but a bit of abusing the system. Right, that’s a moment, let’s move on, and hope she saved enough from her fraud to buy her political career a nice funeral.

So as we look forward to what’s likely to be Pa Broon’s stay of execution, let’s at least condemn Cameron, although frankly he’s not the worst, being almost centrist, (I just used his name because ‘the Conservatives’ didn’t quite alliterate as well) and if the Tories do get more power than they deserve, how about a revolution?

P.S. The title of this post is from the most retarded Facebook group that I have ever been asked to join.