This is the biggest chicken ever lol

N.B. This was originally written on May 8th 2010.

I’m writing this on Word, because my wireless connection, is, so to speak, bloody awful. No matter how many times I disconnect, reconnect, turn off the router, unplug the receiver, turn off the computer, scratch my bottom/head, whichever itches, it simply won’t allow me access to the ‘vast library’ that is the World Wide Web. If anybody else is thinking about connecting wirelessly, don’t use Belkin, it’s a joke, and if I want to use the frankly antique PC in my room for anything that requires the internet, I usually have to ‘borrow’ next door’s wireless. If they don’t have it on, then I haven 15 minutes of fruitlessly trying to connect to look forward to.

But anyway, I want to talk about the election. A hung parliament, as we all expected, and although it would have done nothing but increase Hugh Bayley’s majority, another election that I was ineligible, unfortunately, to take part in. The phrase ‘hung parliament’ conjures one of three, admittedly similar, images; either the House of Commons, Number 10, or Big Ben (I am unsure as to why that one comes into my head, but it does) gracefully swinging from side to side on a length of rope.

More to the point, what it means really is that there’s going to be some sort of Tory influence in Parliament for the next few years, save for the unlikely event of a re-election. Bollocks. Worst case scenario, we end up with privatized healthcare and drastically reduced input into other public services whilst lo and behold taxes are cut – once the deficit has been magically hidden of course – not across the board, but instead for the rich, and sweet Jesus (née Ashcroft) we’re back to the economic exploitation of the fledgling 20th century. To coin a phrase, good times.

The thing is, Brown didn’t do too bad a job. Like Herbert Hoover (awesome name), he walked into his predecessor’s shit and suddenly had a superhuman cleanup job to do (although I’m not sure ability to fly has ever equated to economic prowess). Too lax regulations , both here and in America, on sub-prime mortgages and loans in the early years of the decade and surprise, surprise, a recession. Although as chancellor beforehand, he would have to take some of the blame for it, there probably seemed to be no reason to take any stance but laissez-faire on a growing economy.

Also, we mustn’t forget the man with the eyebrows, sometimes affectionately (although that affection has been growing thin of late) known by the pet name of Alistair Darling, who appeared to do nothing but play the role of a benevolent God whenever the MoD wanted more money for armaments. Fuck it, who needs an army? The hell with the diplomatic flaws with pulling out of whatever ‘axis of evil’ country we’re in at the moment!

Oh, and let us spare a moment to giggle, full of mirth, at the misfortunes of Jacqui, kicked out of parliament (democratically) for nothing but a bit of abusing the system. Right, that’s a moment, let’s move on, and hope she saved enough from her fraud to buy her political career a nice funeral.

So as we look forward to what’s likely to be Pa Broon’s stay of execution, let’s at least condemn Cameron, although frankly he’s not the worst, being almost centrist, (I just used his name because ‘the Conservatives’ didn’t quite alliterate as well) and if the Tories do get more power than they deserve, how about a revolution?

P.S. The title of this post is from the most retarded Facebook group that I have ever been asked to join.

The Socialist Workers Party

Today, I heard about the school's mock election, due to take place on the same date as the British General Election, and decided I would put my name down to be part of the Socialist Workers Party. However, only having vague ideas as to what exactly they stood for - obviously aside from general socialism - I thought that it would be a good idea to have a look at their manifesto.

Now, browsing through it, I can see that many of the ideas here, for instance the complete lack of public service cuts, are overly idealistic. Unfortunately, the recession (which I do not believe was the sole fault of British bankers, which is who they blame there, but rather another financial crisis which started in America) means that some of our comforts will have to be reduced in quantity, as well as increasing taxes.

The key point of this is where these cuts are going to come from. It's a small thing, but as was mentioned on the debate the other night, I believe that reducing the size of the House of Lords is a good idea - or, in my ideals, completely scrapping it - which would save a small amount of money. Another area where money could come from is the prison system, a system which I believe is currently overused by judges when punishing common criminals - fines would be more appropriate for many cases, which could further help by giving the government a slightly greater budget to play with, and would have more of an impact on a thief's mindset than a frankly worthless time period in jail.

As for the increases in tax, the SWP is bang on, I believe, by stating that the money should come from the rich, but unfortunately weakens their manifesto by not actually stating any figures, aside from a rather flimsy '£90B'. TAX, my friends, TAX!

Although the additional rate, coming in next year, is a good move, further moving towards taxing the rich, it is not enough. I believe that there should be a mega-band, starting at earnings of £500,000 per year, which taxes at 90%. This may seem a little extreme, but I believe that once one is that rich, one can afford to give more money to help their country, especially in the current economic climate. I have no precise figures as to how much income it would generate, but I feel it could certainly help!

Another problem is those 'special' party donators, and other cheating scumbags, who choose to keep their money in offshore 'tax havens' (namely Lords Ashcroft and Paul). I have an idea for a new blanket law which would hopefully stop this practice; anyone who does not pay full UK tax loses UK citizenship rights, including the right to vote, and furthermore, the right to donate to political parties. Although this would create hysteria among the 'rightful' rich, it would only serve to make sure that everyone begins on a level playing field, regardless of income.

This could be overseen by the HMRC, as they already keep an eye on any suspicious figures on tax return forms, so could easily extend this. Large penalties could be imposed on those who tried to break these laws.

Ultimately, whilst the SWP's manifesto speaks tomes of delightful truth, and puts forth many ideas, it is a bit vague and idealistic, and is due an update. If I am to stick precisely to their ideas, this is going to be a hard one...