Lots of crazy Japanese drummers.

Gaaah. Boredom. I've even resorted to watching matches between Ghana and Australia in the World Cup. Yeah, THAT bored. According to Spanner, in my last post I sounded angry, so I can now assure you that this will be one of the tamest, most asinine posts you will ever read. That's right, it's football. I couldn't claim to be particularly knowledgeable about the sport; indeed, my interest certainly tailed off after I found I was no good at it myself, but I still find the time to relax and enjoy watching a bit on the idiot box (haha, surreptious Deal Or No Deal reference there).

But why? Football is comparatively slow for a constant movement sport - it's definitely faster than golf or snooker, or indeed darts, but let's face it, those who take a particulr interest in those certainly passive sports are generally (pick at least three of the four) old/fat/balding/drunk. My grandfather has an excuse - he is indeed old, fat and balding. But football... why? Why not the more vulgar, fast-paced and brutal approach of rugby? For me, it's because I tend to sway away from things that are merely a vulgar display of power (redneck points for the reference), and the rumpy-pumpy attitude of the scrummage causes me to wrinkle my nose.

But then there's the far more melodramatic stylings of racquet sports (not Al Capone), in which one can watch the Williams sisters and many Eastern European players with unpronouncable names scamper across a tarmac surface, that sole noise interrupted by the semi-sexual grunts, undoubtedly to reinforce the point that it's a major trouble hitting that ball, and not at all to get a few extra male fans. Given that my sport of choice is squash, you may be expecting me to promote that, but I can tell you, unless you really get into it, it is about as fun to watch as it is to wake up in the basement of Josef Fritzl.

So what are the other reasons for watching football, aside from its dominance in terms of a fine balance of fun and a reasonable lack of sexual connotations? Well, firstly, although I don't feel this, there's a chance for otherwise respectable men, especially those who support the teams from the nice areas of London, to participate in a slagging match that will very quickly evolve into full blown gang warfare if you're playing Millwall.

And then, of course, there's the feeling of comradeship, which allows all football fans to come together as one and appreciate 'the beautiful game' for all its heights and lows. Who am I kidding? That's never going to happen! In England, as soon as kids hit the age of four (days), their fathers will usually have injected them with the semen of the club that they themselves support, which produces a rash when it comes into contact with any other club's... no, wait, that's a terrible analogy. But you get the point.

So while for me, football may be a chance to relax, and partake in heated debates with the television, for others, it offers the chance to roleplay a thug, or even better, just to continue as they are (especially in Millwall!). Although to some it may seem like a mandatory dose of an unhelpful medicine being forced upon them, and it is unfortunately everywhere at times like this (bloody vuvuzelas), it is ultimately a chance for fans, and casual onlookers like myself, to sit back and simply ignore everything else in the world, rather choosing to scoff at the efforts of proffessionals and claiming to be better one's self. Try that with a mechanic and see where it gets you.

On a departing note, I've dropped three references in here, two quite clearly signposted, although one is clearer than the other, and one in the title. If you can find them all, and tell me what the references are to, then leave a comment, and I'll write a post on the topic of your choosing (within reason). Have fun!

Persona 101